Today the stork blessed us with a special delivery a drunk philipino mother in law not only was she drunk she brought a suitcase and that has Bad news written all over it and whats the first thing i do? i panic i looked like the japanese when godzilla was coming then i call tam-pon at work i tell her you need to come home NOW!!! Dont get me wrong my mother-in-law isnt that bad when shes sober guess it could be worse she could of brought 3-4 suitcases and a goat so if anybody out there wants a slightly used mother-in-law let me know or maybe a drinking buddy i have the right person for you right about know im thinking hey maybe i can make some money outta this I can see the ad now slightly used mother-in-law she cooks cleans and does laundry also can be used as a drinking buddy will charge by the day or by the hour i wonder how tam-pon would feel about me pimping out her mom
well today wasnt a good day. My girlfriend tam-pon wanted us to spend the day with her family so i agreed.Well ive heard my girl say things in filipino so i thought i would impress her family and try and use the language. Well... i guess i should of asked tam-pon what things meant before saying them. we get to her parents place her mom opens the door says hello you two and i reply mabuhok ang utong mo (which means your nipples are hairy) tam-pon starts apologizing to her mom saying shoe didnt know what it meant tam-pon asked where did you learn that? i said i heard you say it before shes's like OH MY GAWD. then we were watching TV with her dad he offers me a drink i replied igao walang kang puit (which means you have no butt) he starts laughing loud and hard tam-pon asked what did you say to him so i told her she starts apologizing for me again so i thought to myself i need to keep quiet A little time passed we all went outside for BBQ her grandmother brings me some food and sits next to me shes says here you go shoe eat i said mas gugustuhin ko pang singhutin ang utot ko kaysa mapatabi (which means id rather sniff my fart rather than sit beside you) She starts yelling and cussing me i was like what did i say then tam-pons mom told me what it meant i apologized i was so embarrassed everyone was looking at me i told them i was just trying to fit in learn the language tam-pon says you should ask me before saying things. So the rest of the day i was getting dirty looks so i sat quietly Finally it was time to leave i stood at the door they said goodbye shoe i waved and said mas ma sarap ang tae ng aso sa pagkain mo (which means this dogs shit tastes better than your food. So do you people think i'll be invited to thanksgiving??
If you could be any food what would you be?
I'd be a pickle, because I like to get sucked on.
If you could be any animal what would you be?
I'd be a bird, because I would like to shit on people's heads as they pass by. Or I'd be a monkey, because I like to do it monkey style and I could fling my poop at strangers.
